Tuaregs v's Riverbank Ramblers



frightening new headgear...nice shoes Al
Date:

June 16th 2002
Opposing tribe:

Riverbank Ramblers

Battleground:

Epsom College

Tribesmen:

Ed Beckwith (The Chief)
Alex Paterson (The Chief Petticoat)
Chief Mong
Charles Stewart-Liberty
Vedge *
Will Duncan *
Simon Isdale-Carpenter *
Mark Warburg
Thom Ruane
Rick Welsh
Nigel Toussant
* Tuareg debutantes
Type of Battle:

35 overs of desert warfare
Battle report:

The loyal warriors met for the first time this season. After an amazing tour of Menorca the Tuaregs were over subscribed for the first time in their history and could have fielded 13 players!! Clearly the tide has now turned and now everyone wants a piece of the Tuareg brand.

The Chief Petticoat (Alex Paterson; more of that later) had done an amazing job of providing some glorious caps. Resplendent in the club colours and with Tuaregs emblazoned on the back in fearsome text the Tuaregs looked terrifying.

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Fill our opposition with fear; Buy this magnificent headgear

Al has done a great job especially after the amazing tour t-shirts, clearly he has a unique talent for mensware.

The Tuaregs began the game, winning the toss and batting first. The Chief was first out for four rather sad runs. Thankfully the remaining batsmen were not to be influenced by this leadership and began to pile on the runs. The Tuaregs were well set thanks to a very good 42 from our token ozzie, Rick Welsh.

However the momentum was lost slightly when the chief mong came into bat. He managed to face two balls before being bowled middle stump. Thankfully the rest of the team did well enough to get a respectable 165 off our 35 overs.

Tea was taken and thoughts of victory began to creep into the Tuareg minds, it was after all July 2000 when the Tuaregs last lost a game in England. (Amazing but true)

The Tuaregs had not started well in the field, our wicket-keeper (Simon Isldale-Carpenter) had severely bruised his finger warming up and had to be replaced.

Our record was really on the line, their first three batsmen were in total command, scoring runs a will. Some of the Taureg fielding was abject to say the least. After 15 overs the RBR’s were 102-1. Defeat was imminent.

What followed was unbelievable even by Tuareg standards, we grabbed a couple of crucial wickets and the pressure was back on them.

The Chief got 3-27 and Rick Welsh got 4-16. The Tuareg fielders even effected two run outs.

As this was possibly the fattest team we have ever faced, it was not surprising they were not that quick between the wickets. In fact we half expected to see Whitey stroll out to bat for them.

Eventually, 10 overs later they were all out for 138, a collapse of Tuareg proportions. The Tuareg ability to snatch defeat from apparent victory has now been reversed. What brilliance and well done everyone.
Result:

Magnificent victory to follow England fooite players, Lennox Lewis and the Test team. Has English inadequacy become a thing of the past.
Mong-Moment: This was put to the vote for the first time. It was decided that Alex Paterson should win this award some fairylike fielding. At a crucial stage in the match, when runs were at a premium, the ball was hit very hard at Al in the covers. He feigned an effort to stop the ball, but instead it went right through his legs all the way to boundary for four. He even had time to lift up his petticoat. The derision from his piers bought the usual calls of ‘Al, you’ve dropped your lipstick’ etc.etc. He is now the Chief Petticoat..


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